Posts Tagged ‘Torture


I can’t believe it’s not torture!

Now that Michael Mukasey has been sworn in as the new Attorney General, the Senate decided to have him over for a chat about whether or not torture is legal. It should’ve been a very straightforward conversation. Is torture illegal? Yes. Is waterboarding torture? Yes. So, therefore, waterboarding is illegal. Very good. Moving on. Has the US subjected detainees to waterboarding? Yes. So, we oughta start an investigation on whoever was behind allowing these illegal practices to take place, right? Not so much.

Just like Nixon said, “When the President does it, it is not illegal.” Well, here we are again. Same circular logic, just new faces. Leaving aside the fact that torture doesn’t produce reliable results from detainees (just look at John McCain – he signed a confession that he was an ‘air pirate’ while being tortured by the Viet Cong), torture… is… ILLEGAL.

Prisoners of War are protected by the Geneva Convention from being tortured by their captors. We prosecuted the Japanese as war criminals when they used waterboarding on captured American soldiers. Yet now, when Bush’s Administration does it, it’s all of a sudden legal.

Well, since it is technically legal according to the Attorney General, why doesn’t everyone get in on the fun? It’s legal, right? So what’s to keep ordinary American citizens from using it as a day-to-day pastime, or just a quicker way to get the answers they need?

It’s with this in mind that the staff at Weekly Review came up with a new product to offer the American people: I Can’t Believe It’s Not Torture!

Use it to find out if your spouse has been cheating on you, get your kids to behave, and finally get that promotion you deserve at work! After all, since it’s not illegal, who’s to say Average Joe can’t dabble in a little waterboarding now and then, eh?