Posts Tagged ‘spoof


Hey, Cheney! Go fuck yourself!

The staff at Weekly Review has finally gotten around to getting some of our old videos online for all to enjoy. Most of these are from the live theater version of Weekly Review, performed at Caroline’s on Broadway.

First up is a Rock Opera version of the events that transpired when Dick Cheney traveled to a Hurricane Katrina-devastated area of Mississippi to tell the good folks there how great the relief efforts were going. Apparently, the now-homeless citizens of the area didn’t agree with Dick’s sunny optimism about how the government handled the disaster. During a CNN interview on location with the VP, one brave citizen told the man to go fuck himself. Over and over.

How ironic that the man who told Pat Leahy to go fuck himself (while on the Senate floor, no less) was now getting the same treatment from a peasant! How’d he handle it? Check out the video.


One Year More!

That’s right, folks! We’ve passed the ‘only one more year to go!’ mark on Bush’s Presidency, to the relief of everyone, everywhere.

Can’t impeach the guy, there aren’t enough Dems in the House or Senate to be able to effectively wield any oversight, sycophantic Republicans filibuster every fucking thing brought to a vote, so we’re just stuck with the man and his bag ‘o cronies. But worry not, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!

Republicans are either being indicted, retiring, or ‘spending more time with their families’ in large numbers, leaving a ton of seats up for a Democrats to take this year. Republicans don’t want to be seen with Bush.

Oh, and there’s also Barack Obama.

With next year looking like it’ll be a much brighter time for this country, the staff at Weekly Review put together this little ditty about looking forward to a time when the economy is stable, terrorists aren’t able to unite against us, and the US is actually regarded as a bastion of Liberty and Freedom, and not an international punchline.

Just hang on folks. One more year to go!


Pat Robertson vs. Hugo Chavez

With the election season in high gear and coverage of the latest campaign strategies getting non-stop play in the Mainstream Media, the staff at Weekly Review thought it’d be a great idea to dust off an old story that didn’t get a lot of play when it first broke.

Campaign coverage, Schmampaign coverage. We wanna take a stroll down memory lane and look at the always volatile and often hilarious consequences of mixing religion and politics.

Take for example Pat Robertson, the holy man in charge of the 700 Club and one of the nation’s leading televangelists. Recently he called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, because Chavez is a close friend of Fidel Castro. Upon close scrutiny of Robertson’s sentiments, we have found them to be completely insane. Maybe it’s time for ol’ Pat to pack it up, roll around in his millions of dollars Scrooge McDuck-style, and let someone less batty take over the 700 club.

Of course, when asked by the press about his comments, Robertson claimed he never said such a thing, and then apologized to the nation. For something he never said. Side note: does he know that when the little red light is on that the camera is recording what he says and broadcasting it to lots and lots of people?

Aaaaaaanyway, when you have a prominent figure, on a highly televised program, calling for the assassination of a nation’s leader, let’s see… who does that remind us of… ugh – there was this guy, he would do that… televise threats to another country… hmmm. Can’t think of the guy’s name, but Robertson’s a lot like that. At any rate, we’re pretty sure that an incoherent madman using religion as a guise for his declaration of war against another country’s leader is an act of terrorism.

But the plot thickens, people!

Chavez wants Robertson extradited to Venezuela to face charges of terrorism. But alas, ‘terrorism’ in Bush’s America means ‘something bad done by brown people’. Since Robertson is more of a pasty white, middle-America type, it looks like we’re not going to comply.

Ah, well. At least Chavez was willing to turn the other cheek, as it were. Y’see, when Hurricane Katrina hit, Chavez offered 1 Million dollars in aid to the US. But instead of accepting the aid, the President basically said, “uh – thanks, but nah. We gots it covered.”

Which brings us to the crux of this post: suppose Hugo Chavez had decided to personally deliver the aid package to the White House, because he was actually more concerned about the people of New Orleans than the President was (not a stretch there). ALSO suppose, for a moment, that Pat Robertson, at the same time, happens to be leaving from a private meeting with the President.

Oh, man. What an awkward situation that would be: Chavez, bringing aid and succor to the good people of America, while Robertson just finished telling the President what a rotten guy he is. We imagine the encounter would sound a lot like this.

Editor’s note: for those of you who think this song sounds remarkably like “The Confrontation” from Les Miz, congrats! You’re an honorary Musical Theater graduate from Weekly Review University. Pat yourself on the back!


Karl Rove: A Tribute

Now that Karl Rove has stepped down from his lofty post to spend more time with his inner demons family, the staff at Weekly Review took the time to reflect on his days spent being known as “Bush’s Brain”.

Of course, that’s how he was known to Washington insiders, but to the Commander-in-Chief himself, Karl Rove was known as…. wait for it…. Turd Blossom.

Yeah, you read that correctly. The leader of the free world affectionately calls the man he trusts with his campaigns, policies and strategies “Turd Blossom”, which is what they call flowers in Texas when they grow in a pile of cow shit. No, we didn’t just make that up. Comedic geniuses way ahead of their time could not even come close to conceiving something like this.

Looking back on Turd’s (Karl? Mind if we shorten up your nickname a bit and just call you ‘Turd’ from now on? Thanks.) career, it’s easy to see why his rise to power was so quick: he played dirty. And that kind of no-holds-barred, win-at-all-costs douchebaggery always attracts someone that wouldn’t be able to win at all in a fair fight, so naturally Bush adopted him as his brain trust (after Bush’s father kicked him to the curb for using those same tactics).

After insinuating to voters that John McCain had an illegitimate child by a black woman, that Max Cleland (who lost most of his limbs in Vietnam) was a traitor to the U.S., and that John Kerry’s purple hearts were an object of derision, Turd decided to go after a new target: Valerie Plame.

As a quick aside: do you remember the first “Mission Impossible” with Tom Cruise and that part where he broke into a government building to steal something called the NOC list? Y’know – the part where he’s all hanging from wires and he can’t sweat on the pressurized floor and whatnot? Well, NOC means Non Official Cover, which basically means that agents on the NOC list are disavowed by their country if they ever get caught. So NOC agents in the CIA are like James Bond-ish super spies. Valerie Plame was on the NOC list in real life, which meant that her identity was probably kept in an ultra-secret vault similar to the one seen in the movie. Yeah. Rove outed her to the press just to be a dick. Oh, and also Plame’s husband told the administration that Saddam Hussein had no WMD’s. Go figure.

So, after outing an undercover CIA agent who was working on nuclear proliferation in Iraq, Rove was entrusted with helping the Republican party form a stronger majority in Congress during the midterm election season. Alas, he failed and the Democrats took back both chambers of Congress. You can read more about his failures here, as well as a good look into his new book deal – which has already been marked down before Rove has put pen to paper to write it.

To give folks an idea of what the book will say, I’ll just go ahead and quote my favorite line in the carpetbagger’s review of it:

“Bush was extraordinary; his critics were awful; and the media was unfair.” There, I just saved book buyers $29.95.

And there you have it. We at Weekly Review offer this tribute to Turd Blossom.

It’s a relatively short song; much like Turdie’s list of virtues and redeemable qualities. Enjoy!


Planet Earth to Larry Craig: You’re Gay!

For a scandal that has everything a media feeding frenzy needs, it looks like the latest Larry Craig fiasco is going to end with a whimper and a whine (probably not too different from the Senator’s sexual encounters).

Oh, poor Larry Craig, what are we going to do with you? You’ve paid male prostitutes for sex, passed around the same prostitute that was working under (and probably behind) Pastor Ted Haggard, even plead guilty to soliciting sex from a plainclothes officer in a Minnesota airport men’s room.

So, what’s the Senate to do with you? Answer: nothing. No, you get to live out the rest of your days working in the Senate as the closeted gay guy who trolls bathrooms for illicit sex. Congratulations! You get to hold on to your lofty little post in the Senate. We at Weekly Review just hope you’re able to at least make eye contact with your fellow Senators while you’re at work. We wouldn’t want your work experience to become weird, now that everyone knows about your dirty little secret.

A quick word of advice from Weekly Review to Mark Foley, Ted Haggard and Larry Craig:


It’s nothing to be ashamed of; lots of people are gay! And they come out of the closet and lead fulfilling lives all the time! That’s the good news. The bad news is, when Republicans are gay, they stay in the closet and preach about how wrong it is to be gay, and then go drown their shame in a tranny’s ass. Seems like a miserable existence to us. At any rate, to help educate you and the rest of your closeted buddies on what to do about being gay, the staff at Weekly Review has come up with this parody of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” to help you out.

But if you don’t have time to listen to the song, trust us: when you cheat on your wife and pay for another dude to fuck you, or (in the case of Mark Foley) hit on underage kids working at the White House, you’re gay. Oh, and also a pedophile.

On a closing note, since Ted and Mark decided rehab (Rehab? Like, for drinking? Are you serious???) was the answer, we at Weekly Review are anxiously waiting for when the next scandal hits so you can blame your backsliding (pardon the pun) on a shitty rehab center, instead of owning up to the fact that you’re gay and have been burying your normal, human urges in a faux marriage and illicit prostitute man-sex.

So please pay attention: Pastor Ted, Mark Foley, and Larry Craig: You’re Gay!


A Who’s-Who of The G.O.P. Jailhouse

With so many Republicans currently serving prison sentences, on their way to jail, just getting out of jail, getting their sentences commuted, sweating under pending investigations, or simply retiring when their term is up to ‘spend more time with their family’, I wouldn’t be surprised if we start seeing GOP wings in certain state correctional facilities.

Indeed, the list is staggering. You’ve got Ted “The Internet is a series of Tubes” Stevens currently under investigation , then you’ve got Jack Abramoff currently serving his sentence (and, given his connections, I’d be willing to bet that Bob Barr was the first of many to shortly be joining him), there’s Scooter Libby, fresh out of jail (served no time thanks to Dubya, but isn’t looking to appeal his guilty conviction), and now the latest and greatest:

A Republican lawmaker, appointed by Ronald Reagan to serve at the UN, has been charged with forty-some odd charges of working covertly for Al Qaeda.

The mind reels. All this from the party of “family values”, who cry bloody murder and call those with opposing viewpoints traitors, and slander the names of honest Americans by suggesting that all their talk is somehow aiding and abetting terrorists. Well, how about ACTUALLY aiding and abetting terrorists, eh? Like, with the hundreds of thousands of dollars Mark Siljander funneled through an Islamic relief fund that was actually a front group for Al Qaeda?

Aaaaaaanyway, it’s no laughing matter. There’s plenty of crooks disguising themselves as civil servants and there’s no telling how many elected officials are currently getting away with some kind of underhanded fuckery. Most likely, we’ll never know. Even if Jack Abramoff starts squaking like a parakeet once he gets tired of his 6×8 cell, it’s a fair bet the American people will never have the whole story.

Which is why we at Weekly Review have written this little ditty to help you folks keep track of who’s going to jail, who’s in jail, and who will soon be on their way in or out, depending on what kind of dirt they have on their higher-ups. Enjoy!

Editor’s note: at seven verses in length, this is a pretty long song. So long, in fact, that when compiling it into an internet-friendly format, the song nearly destroyed my computer. I just find it somewhat ironic that a song about Republican corruption is so long that it nearly caused my computer to burst into flames.


Join the airforce! (non-Christians need not apply)

Taking a look at our Air Force, it’s come to the attention of the staff at Weekly Review that there have been over 55 formal complaints in just over four years regarding religious proselytizing.

A recent Pentagon report on the US Air Force Academy found that there was no overt religious discrimination at the taxpayer-funded college, although “There was a lack of awareness on the part of some faculty and staff… as to what constitutes appropriate expressions of faith.”

Apparently, this ‘lack of awareness’ included a Jewish cadet being told by his superior officer that the holocaust was punishment for Jews because the Jews had killed Jesus, and an atheist student being forbidden to start a campus club for “Freethinkers”.

Now, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being completely and totally aware, and a 10 being a mix of Barney Fife and Gomer Pyle-esque awareness, we have to give the people behind this report a 12 for being so ridiculously callous, uninformed and un-Christian.

Un-Christian? Yeah. Un. Christian. Why? Well, from what we here at Weekly Review know about Jesus, while he was up on the cross, His last words certainly weren’t “Payback’s gonna a be a bitch, assholes.” It was something more like “Father, forgive them. For they know not what they do.” How that ties into the holocaust is beyond us.

Anyway, not to worry. The Air Force has a snappy new Theme Song that should lay all religious woes to rest. Frankly, we don’t see what the harm is in forcing our all-volunteer Army, Navy and Air Force to adhere to a narrow-minded liturgy and a xenophobic, intolerant interpretation of the Bible.