Posts Tagged ‘Comedy

28
Jan
09

President Bush: Great President, or Greatest President?

In watching interviews with White House Spokesperson Dana Perino, Vice President Cheney, and even Bush himself, you get the sense that not only were the last eight years not a complete and utter failure, but that all those “mistakes” Bush made weren’t really his – he somehow inherited a crumbling economy, according to Bush and his revisionist scribes. In fact, once “history” has its say, Bush’s tenure will be viewed as an unqualified success. All we have to do now is sit back, relax, and wait for the history to kick in.

https://i1.wp.com/www.fileden.com/files/2008/1/6/1683294/Bush%20billboard%20large.bmp
Pictured: History

(Of course, we have the “now” to deal with: two wars, a crumbling economy, unemployment rising, a huge deficit, worldwide terrorism on the rise, and oh yeah – where’s New Orleans again?)

Continue reading ‘President Bush: Great President, or Greatest President?’

22
Apr
08

Church-goers to Dems: don’t bother

The staff at Weekly Review has finally gotten around to getting some of our old videos online for all to enjoy. Most of these are from the live theater version of Weekly Review, performed at Caroline’s on Broadway.

Plenty has been said about whether or not it’s worth it for Democratic candidates to go after the ‘religious’ or ‘values’ voters. Sure, Barack Obama attends church regularly, but his pastor’s KRRRRAZY! And, anyway, isn’t he a Muslim or something? And yeah, Hilary Clinton talks a lot about her walks with Jeezus, and how forgiving her husband for his infidelity was the Christian thing to do. But isn’t it all for naught? After all, most gun-loving, chest-thumping, Bible-reading Christian Americans see the letter “D” after someone’s name and picture a limp-wristed Frenchman who wants to surrender to the nearest terrorist, right?

Well…. yeah. For the most part. It certainly doesn’t help when Chan Chandler, former pastor at the East Waynesville Baptist Church in North Carolina removed the liberal members of his congregation for – wait for it – being liberal. Apparently, church is only for those who are “Christian” in the sense that they see Jeezus as a red-blooded, flag-waving, Republican soldier who spits flames and wields an M-16.

It wasn’t until the IRS decided to investigate Chandler’s shennanigans that he was forced to resign. Before that, he regularly used the pulpit to speak on behalf of God’s messenger, President Bush. Anyway, here’s a quick glimpse into what Chandler’s sermons used to look like before he became unemployed.

02
Apr
08

This is Racist America

Look out, everyone! A Black Muslim from some mystical foreign land is trying to run for President, and once elected, will turn the US over to terrorists!

The talking heads on TV, of course, will never say the above sentence out loud, but with all of the rhetoric flying around, it’s not hard to figure out what’s going on in their heads. The best example is the people who pose the question: “Is America ready for a Black President?”, and completely miss the irony bus when they ask within two minutes “Is Barack Obama black enough?”(Editor’s note: according to the films “The Fifth Element” and “Idiocracy”, a black President would KICK ASS!)
Fortunately, Barack Obama delivered an amazing speech recently dealing squarely with race relations in America. Unfortunately, the ripples he may have created in the public arena by unflinchingly challenging this subject have not yet reached most of the pundits in Television Land.

Take, for example, our Republican friends who challenge Obama’s patriotism with the notion that his decision to not wear the American flag on his lapel somehow means he’s really rooting for the ‘bad guys’. We kid you not. Here is a fine example of all of the Republican ‘patriots’ who always have their precious little flag pins on. Even when being photographed for their mug shots. Seriously.

Then you’ve got Hilary’s camp just doing the completely wrong thing with Geraldine Ferraro, who claims that Barack, like Jesse Jackson, got to where he is because of his color. We’d spend more time trying to make sense of this, but we’ve got shit to do.

Last but not least, fresh off the short bus is Congressman Steve King from Iowa floating the idea on national television that somehow terrorists will rejoice if Obama takes the White House. Yes, the same Steve King who compared immigrants to cattle, and pulled straight from his ass a ‘statistic’ that says immigrants murder 12 American citizens every day.

No WONDER this country is fucked up. We’ve got people sitting in elected offices who still can’t see past the color of people’s skin, and use that ignorance to write laws that everyone needs to follow.

Well, enough with the intro. We wrote a song about it. Welcome to Racist America!

Edit: after ‘Racist America’ was posted, Chris Matthews added yet another notch in the “let’s go back to the pre-civil rights era” belt. Chris, seriously…. what the hell, man?

28
Feb
08

One Year More!

That’s right, folks! We’ve passed the ‘only one more year to go!’ mark on Bush’s Presidency, to the relief of everyone, everywhere.

Can’t impeach the guy, there aren’t enough Dems in the House or Senate to be able to effectively wield any oversight, sycophantic Republicans filibuster every fucking thing brought to a vote, so we’re just stuck with the man and his bag ‘o cronies. But worry not, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!

Republicans are either being indicted, retiring, or ‘spending more time with their families’ in large numbers, leaving a ton of seats up for a Democrats to take this year. Republicans don’t want to be seen with Bush.

Oh, and there’s also Barack Obama.

With next year looking like it’ll be a much brighter time for this country, the staff at Weekly Review put together this little ditty about looking forward to a time when the economy is stable, terrorists aren’t able to unite against us, and the US is actually regarded as a bastion of Liberty and Freedom, and not an international punchline.

Just hang on folks. One more year to go!

28
Feb
08

Pat Robertson vs. Hugo Chavez

With the election season in high gear and coverage of the latest campaign strategies getting non-stop play in the Mainstream Media, the staff at Weekly Review thought it’d be a great idea to dust off an old story that didn’t get a lot of play when it first broke.

Campaign coverage, Schmampaign coverage. We wanna take a stroll down memory lane and look at the always volatile and often hilarious consequences of mixing religion and politics.

Take for example Pat Robertson, the holy man in charge of the 700 Club and one of the nation’s leading televangelists. Recently he called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, because Chavez is a close friend of Fidel Castro. Upon close scrutiny of Robertson’s sentiments, we have found them to be completely insane. Maybe it’s time for ol’ Pat to pack it up, roll around in his millions of dollars Scrooge McDuck-style, and let someone less batty take over the 700 club.

Of course, when asked by the press about his comments, Robertson claimed he never said such a thing, and then apologized to the nation. For something he never said. Side note: does he know that when the little red light is on that the camera is recording what he says and broadcasting it to lots and lots of people?

Aaaaaaanyway, when you have a prominent figure, on a highly televised program, calling for the assassination of a nation’s leader, let’s see… who does that remind us of… ugh – there was this guy, he would do that… televise threats to another country… hmmm. Can’t think of the guy’s name, but Robertson’s a lot like that. At any rate, we’re pretty sure that an incoherent madman using religion as a guise for his declaration of war against another country’s leader is an act of terrorism.

But the plot thickens, people!

Chavez wants Robertson extradited to Venezuela to face charges of terrorism. But alas, ‘terrorism’ in Bush’s America means ‘something bad done by brown people’. Since Robertson is more of a pasty white, middle-America type, it looks like we’re not going to comply.

Ah, well. At least Chavez was willing to turn the other cheek, as it were. Y’see, when Hurricane Katrina hit, Chavez offered 1 Million dollars in aid to the US. But instead of accepting the aid, the President basically said, “uh – thanks, but nah. We gots it covered.”

Which brings us to the crux of this post: suppose Hugo Chavez had decided to personally deliver the aid package to the White House, because he was actually more concerned about the people of New Orleans than the President was (not a stretch there). ALSO suppose, for a moment, that Pat Robertson, at the same time, happens to be leaving from a private meeting with the President.

Oh, man. What an awkward situation that would be: Chavez, bringing aid and succor to the good people of America, while Robertson just finished telling the President what a rotten guy he is. We imagine the encounter would sound a lot like this.

Editor’s note: for those of you who think this song sounds remarkably like “The Confrontation” from Les Miz, congrats! You’re an honorary Musical Theater graduate from Weekly Review University. Pat yourself on the back!

30
Jan
08

Note to Dems: WAKE UP!

Democratic party, it’s time we had a little chat.

A couple of years ago, when the streets of Baghdad were running with soldier’s blood and the city of New Orleans was flooded, you decided to focus on a very important subject: video games. Yeah – when there were (and still are) lives to be saved, you decided that Grand Theft Auto was a much more important subject to speak out about. Thanks, Hilary and Joe. Lord knows what we’d do without you.

Fast forward a couple of years – we’re still in Iraq with no end in sight, and people who got flooded out of their homes during Hurricane Katrina are squatting in shitty FEMA trailers that aren’t safe for humans. Oh, and the economy is crumbling.

For God’s sake – you took back the House and Senate in ’06 because Americans are tired of this war, tired of mismanagement of their government, and sick as shit of this current administration and it’s crony-run departments.

What have you done since you took back the majority? Let’s see – well, you backed down on almost every important piece of legislation, like Stem Cell Research, the S-CHIP program which provides healthcare to kids, and basically bent over and let the minority tell you what they would LET you pass without filibustering it.

Now, Weekly Review tries to be fair. Yes, the first 100 days of your new Congress produced a lot of results. And John Conyers is using that newly-acquired gavel and subponea power of his to have some much-needed oversight hearings. But you’re not even close to where you need to be, and the public is on your side. We don’t want this war to carry on, we want our kids to get health insurance, and we WANT the next President to be about 1,000 times smarter and more diplomatic than the current one (which shouldn’t be hard, since a bag of nails is technically already ahead of that curve).

So, for all you progressives out there who wish their civil servants would pick up the ball and run with it, we present this Democratic rallying song, sung by some angry hippies.

Of course, if you’re a progressive who doesn’t smoke pot, and is more into Metallica than the Grateful Dead, we’ve got a song for you, too!

We’re a big tent party here in Democratic-ville, so we try to please all who belong. Enjoy, you hippies and/or metalheads.

25
Jan
08

Planet Earth to Larry Craig: You’re Gay!

For a scandal that has everything a media feeding frenzy needs, it looks like the latest Larry Craig fiasco is going to end with a whimper and a whine (probably not too different from the Senator’s sexual encounters).

Oh, poor Larry Craig, what are we going to do with you? You’ve paid male prostitutes for sex, passed around the same prostitute that was working under (and probably behind) Pastor Ted Haggard, even plead guilty to soliciting sex from a plainclothes officer in a Minnesota airport men’s room.

So, what’s the Senate to do with you? Answer: nothing. No, you get to live out the rest of your days working in the Senate as the closeted gay guy who trolls bathrooms for illicit sex. Congratulations! You get to hold on to your lofty little post in the Senate. We at Weekly Review just hope you’re able to at least make eye contact with your fellow Senators while you’re at work. We wouldn’t want your work experience to become weird, now that everyone knows about your dirty little secret.

A quick word of advice from Weekly Review to Mark Foley, Ted Haggard and Larry Craig:

YOU’RE GAY.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of; lots of people are gay! And they come out of the closet and lead fulfilling lives all the time! That’s the good news. The bad news is, when Republicans are gay, they stay in the closet and preach about how wrong it is to be gay, and then go drown their shame in a tranny’s ass. Seems like a miserable existence to us. At any rate, to help educate you and the rest of your closeted buddies on what to do about being gay, the staff at Weekly Review has come up with this parody of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” to help you out.

But if you don’t have time to listen to the song, trust us: when you cheat on your wife and pay for another dude to fuck you, or (in the case of Mark Foley) hit on underage kids working at the White House, you’re gay. Oh, and also a pedophile.

On a closing note, since Ted and Mark decided rehab (Rehab? Like, for drinking? Are you serious???) was the answer, we at Weekly Review are anxiously waiting for when the next scandal hits so you can blame your backsliding (pardon the pun) on a shitty rehab center, instead of owning up to the fact that you’re gay and have been burying your normal, human urges in a faux marriage and illicit prostitute man-sex.

So please pay attention: Pastor Ted, Mark Foley, and Larry Craig: You’re Gay!