Archive Page 2

22
Apr
08

Tic Toc Top Court

The staff at Weekly Review has finally gotten around to getting some of our old videos online for all to enjoy. Most of these are from the live theater version of Weekly Review, performed at Caroline’s on Broadway.

What does it take in this day and age to get appointed to the Supreme Court? An even-keeled reputation for fair-mindedness? A stellar portfolio of presiding over difficult cases? Charming good looks? An ethnic minority? No! Not if you’re now-Chief Justice John Roberts, who more closely resembles Otto the Inflatable Auto-Pilot from the movie Airplane than he does an actual judge.

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Above: which is the real John Roberts? Can you tell?

Anyway, we’re sure that the President’s choice to tap John Roberts for the Chief Justice chair was a long and difficult one involved a dartboard and a half-empty bottle of Yagermeister, so we present to you the three top contenders at the time: Luttig, Roberts and that lovable scamp Alberto Gonzales.

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22
Apr
08

Dubya and the Munitions Factory

The staff at Weekly Review has finally gotten around to getting some of our old videos online for all to enjoy. Most of these are from the live theater version of Weekly Review, performed at Caroline’s on Broadway.

What happens when you mix Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Dubya and the international fight to secure nuclear weapon capabilities? You get this:

22
Apr
08

Bush’s Bicycle

The staff at Weekly Review has finally gotten around to getting some of our old videos online for all to enjoy. Most of these are from the live theater version of Weekly Review, performed at Caroline’s on Broadway.

Leader of the Free World. Pioneer in the War on Terror. Man of the People. Bicycle enthusiast. These are but a few ways of describing our President, who spends more time working out and on his bicycle than he does working on national security and catching Osama Bin Laden. Enjoy our spoof of Queen’s “Bicycle Race”.

22
Apr
08

Hey, Cheney! Go fuck yourself!

The staff at Weekly Review has finally gotten around to getting some of our old videos online for all to enjoy. Most of these are from the live theater version of Weekly Review, performed at Caroline’s on Broadway.

First up is a Rock Opera version of the events that transpired when Dick Cheney traveled to a Hurricane Katrina-devastated area of Mississippi to tell the good folks there how great the relief efforts were going. Apparently, the now-homeless citizens of the area didn’t agree with Dick’s sunny optimism about how the government handled the disaster. During a CNN interview on location with the VP, one brave citizen told the man to go fuck himself. Over and over.

How ironic that the man who told Pat Leahy to go fuck himself (while on the Senate floor, no less) was now getting the same treatment from a peasant! How’d he handle it? Check out the video.

02
Apr
08

This is Racist America

Look out, everyone! A Black Muslim from some mystical foreign land is trying to run for President, and once elected, will turn the US over to terrorists!

The talking heads on TV, of course, will never say the above sentence out loud, but with all of the rhetoric flying around, it’s not hard to figure out what’s going on in their heads. The best example is the people who pose the question: “Is America ready for a Black President?”, and completely miss the irony bus when they ask within two minutes “Is Barack Obama black enough?”(Editor’s note: according to the films “The Fifth Element” and “Idiocracy”, a black President would KICK ASS!)
Fortunately, Barack Obama delivered an amazing speech recently dealing squarely with race relations in America. Unfortunately, the ripples he may have created in the public arena by unflinchingly challenging this subject have not yet reached most of the pundits in Television Land.

Take, for example, our Republican friends who challenge Obama’s patriotism with the notion that his decision to not wear the American flag on his lapel somehow means he’s really rooting for the ‘bad guys’. We kid you not. Here is a fine example of all of the Republican ‘patriots’ who always have their precious little flag pins on. Even when being photographed for their mug shots. Seriously.

Then you’ve got Hilary’s camp just doing the completely wrong thing with Geraldine Ferraro, who claims that Barack, like Jesse Jackson, got to where he is because of his color. We’d spend more time trying to make sense of this, but we’ve got shit to do.

Last but not least, fresh off the short bus is Congressman Steve King from Iowa floating the idea on national television that somehow terrorists will rejoice if Obama takes the White House. Yes, the same Steve King who compared immigrants to cattle, and pulled straight from his ass a ‘statistic’ that says immigrants murder 12 American citizens every day.

No WONDER this country is fucked up. We’ve got people sitting in elected offices who still can’t see past the color of people’s skin, and use that ignorance to write laws that everyone needs to follow.

Well, enough with the intro. We wrote a song about it. Welcome to Racist America!

Edit: after ‘Racist America’ was posted, Chris Matthews added yet another notch in the “let’s go back to the pre-civil rights era” belt. Chris, seriously…. what the hell, man?

29
Mar
08

Remembering John Bolton

Now, don’t get ahead of yourself. We realize that the headline may look like an obituary, but no. John Bolton, as far as anyone can tell, is alive, and whatever demonic pact he’s made to keep that ticker going and that mustache growing is still firmly intact.

We bring up his name because there was a rerun the other day on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart featuring Bolton. Besides saying the exact opposite of what was demonstrable truth in regards to the UN, Iraq, and even Abraham Lincoln, we were reminded of this story which went rather underreported at the time of Bolton’s UN confirmation.

If you click on the link, you won’t see the usual John Bolton story – that he’s often an enraged, bitter man who throws things at subordinates, that he claims that the UN doesn’t exist, etc., no – what you’ll find is some juicy gossip regarding his first wife.

Y’see, back in the day, Bolton was quite a swinger (literally), and forced his wife to go to Plato’s Retreat, a swinger’s hot spot in New York City. Apparently, group sex wasn’t her thing, and she not only fled from him and got a speedy divorce while he was out of the country on business, she took all of their furniture with her. Dayum!

Now, there aren’t too many people we know that have been through a divorce, but the ones that we do know never had their shit stolen from them by their exes while they were out of the country. So, we’d have to put Ex-Mrs. Bolton’s evacuation somewhere on the “Holy-shit-I’m-going-to-stab-that-fucker-to-death-if-I-ever-see-him-again” side of the Panic Scale.

With that in mind, we’ve pieced together the events at Plato’s Retreat into this power ballad for our readers. Sung from Ex-Mrs. Bolton’s point of view, it explores love, betrayal, and group sex in a way that no other power ballad has ever dared to. Enjoy!

28
Mar
08

I can’t believe it’s not torture!

Now that Michael Mukasey has been sworn in as the new Attorney General, the Senate decided to have him over for a chat about whether or not torture is legal. It should’ve been a very straightforward conversation. Is torture illegal? Yes. Is waterboarding torture? Yes. So, therefore, waterboarding is illegal. Very good. Moving on. Has the US subjected detainees to waterboarding? Yes. So, we oughta start an investigation on whoever was behind allowing these illegal practices to take place, right? Not so much.

Just like Nixon said, “When the President does it, it is not illegal.” Well, here we are again. Same circular logic, just new faces. Leaving aside the fact that torture doesn’t produce reliable results from detainees (just look at John McCain – he signed a confession that he was an ‘air pirate’ while being tortured by the Viet Cong), torture… is… ILLEGAL.

Prisoners of War are protected by the Geneva Convention from being tortured by their captors. We prosecuted the Japanese as war criminals when they used waterboarding on captured American soldiers. Yet now, when Bush’s Administration does it, it’s all of a sudden legal.

Well, since it is technically legal according to the Attorney General, why doesn’t everyone get in on the fun? It’s legal, right? So what’s to keep ordinary American citizens from using it as a day-to-day pastime, or just a quicker way to get the answers they need?

It’s with this in mind that the staff at Weekly Review came up with a new product to offer the American people: I Can’t Believe It’s Not Torture!

Use it to find out if your spouse has been cheating on you, get your kids to behave, and finally get that promotion you deserve at work! After all, since it’s not illegal, who’s to say Average Joe can’t dabble in a little waterboarding now and then, eh?