Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

21
Oct
08

Palin…. sings?!

After watching Palin’s interviews, stump speeches, and her appearance on Saturday Night Live (‘appearance’ being the operative word – she literally sat there and watched Amy Poehler rap about shooting a moose and associating Obama with Bill Ayers), there was this gnawing thought in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

The VP candidate has this mysterious, unknown quality about her, and yet… and yet she has this, I dunno – homey, folksy, down-to-earth-yet-completely-divorced-from-reality quality about her. It reminds me of something I saw a while ago.

It was a story about this fish-out-of-water, completely oblivious woman whose fantasy world is completely detached from the way things really are… she had this superbly naive, idealistic view of things no matter how difficult or complicated things were… Oh, I remember now!

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Above: Sarah Palin was the not-too-well-known inspiration for Giselle’s character.

The similarities are endless. Take, for example, Palin’s uncontrollable facial reaction to Charles Gibson’s question about the Bush Doctrine and compare it with Giselle entering New York for the first time via magical subterranean teleportation:

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Bush Doctrine? Is that a girly disease?

Now, I could go on ad nauseum about Palins’ debate style, her Forrest Gump approach to interviews, even her fundamentally flawed perspective on global warming and reproductive rights. But, in the spirit of Palin’s aw-shucks-ma’am sticktoitiveness, I’ve decided to forego all of that and just write a parody in her honor. After all, it seems that Mrs. Palin would much prefer to skip all the talkin’ and get down to some gosh-darned rootin’ tootin’ fun!

So here it is. This one’s for you, Sarah! God bless you and all of your unwitting, parody-inspiring comedy.

Editor’s note – Brianne Roenbeck provided the lovely vocals for Sarah Palin. More of her can be seen here.

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12
Feb
08

Must-see Obama Tribute

Right now, the staff at Weekly Review is cooking up some good musical satire for you. But it’ll be at least another week before our next couple of songs are done (don’t worry – it’ll SO be worth the wait), so it’s time to take a break and look at what other musicians have been up to.

It’s often been said that Barack Obama’s speeches are incredibly poetic, and should be set to music. Well, will.i.am of the Black Eye Peas and his friends did just that. Head over here to check it out.

Quite honestly, it’s the most inspirational thing we’ve ever seen. And it’s been a LONG time since someone came along to inspire us, or make us believe that hope for a better tomorrow is not only possible, but achievable.

Thanks for making that, folks. We owe you one.

30
Jan
08

Note to Dems: WAKE UP!

Democratic party, it’s time we had a little chat.

A couple of years ago, when the streets of Baghdad were running with soldier’s blood and the city of New Orleans was flooded, you decided to focus on a very important subject: video games. Yeah – when there were (and still are) lives to be saved, you decided that Grand Theft Auto was a much more important subject to speak out about. Thanks, Hilary and Joe. Lord knows what we’d do without you.

Fast forward a couple of years – we’re still in Iraq with no end in sight, and people who got flooded out of their homes during Hurricane Katrina are squatting in shitty FEMA trailers that aren’t safe for humans. Oh, and the economy is crumbling.

For God’s sake – you took back the House and Senate in ’06 because Americans are tired of this war, tired of mismanagement of their government, and sick as shit of this current administration and it’s crony-run departments.

What have you done since you took back the majority? Let’s see – well, you backed down on almost every important piece of legislation, like Stem Cell Research, the S-CHIP program which provides healthcare to kids, and basically bent over and let the minority tell you what they would LET you pass without filibustering it.

Now, Weekly Review tries to be fair. Yes, the first 100 days of your new Congress produced a lot of results. And John Conyers is using that newly-acquired gavel and subponea power of his to have some much-needed oversight hearings. But you’re not even close to where you need to be, and the public is on your side. We don’t want this war to carry on, we want our kids to get health insurance, and we WANT the next President to be about 1,000 times smarter and more diplomatic than the current one (which shouldn’t be hard, since a bag of nails is technically already ahead of that curve).

So, for all you progressives out there who wish their civil servants would pick up the ball and run with it, we present this Democratic rallying song, sung by some angry hippies.

Of course, if you’re a progressive who doesn’t smoke pot, and is more into Metallica than the Grateful Dead, we’ve got a song for you, too!

We’re a big tent party here in Democratic-ville, so we try to please all who belong. Enjoy, you hippies and/or metalheads.

20
Jan
08

A Who’s-Who of The G.O.P. Jailhouse

With so many Republicans currently serving prison sentences, on their way to jail, just getting out of jail, getting their sentences commuted, sweating under pending investigations, or simply retiring when their term is up to ‘spend more time with their family’, I wouldn’t be surprised if we start seeing GOP wings in certain state correctional facilities.

Indeed, the list is staggering. You’ve got Ted “The Internet is a series of Tubes” Stevens currently under investigation , then you’ve got Jack Abramoff currently serving his sentence (and, given his connections, I’d be willing to bet that Bob Barr was the first of many to shortly be joining him), there’s Scooter Libby, fresh out of jail (served no time thanks to Dubya, but isn’t looking to appeal his guilty conviction), and now the latest and greatest:

A Republican lawmaker, appointed by Ronald Reagan to serve at the UN, has been charged with forty-some odd charges of working covertly for Al Qaeda.

The mind reels. All this from the party of “family values”, who cry bloody murder and call those with opposing viewpoints traitors, and slander the names of honest Americans by suggesting that all their talk is somehow aiding and abetting terrorists. Well, how about ACTUALLY aiding and abetting terrorists, eh? Like, with the hundreds of thousands of dollars Mark Siljander funneled through an Islamic relief fund that was actually a front group for Al Qaeda?

Aaaaaaanyway, it’s no laughing matter. There’s plenty of crooks disguising themselves as civil servants and there’s no telling how many elected officials are currently getting away with some kind of underhanded fuckery. Most likely, we’ll never know. Even if Jack Abramoff starts squaking like a parakeet once he gets tired of his 6×8 cell, it’s a fair bet the American people will never have the whole story.

Which is why we at Weekly Review have written this little ditty to help you folks keep track of who’s going to jail, who’s in jail, and who will soon be on their way in or out, depending on what kind of dirt they have on their higher-ups. Enjoy!

Editor’s note: at seven verses in length, this is a pretty long song. So long, in fact, that when compiling it into an internet-friendly format, the song nearly destroyed my computer. I just find it somewhat ironic that a song about Republican corruption is so long that it nearly caused my computer to burst into flames.

11
Jan
08

Spreadable Freedom!

Liberty. Freedom. Democracy. Independence. Glory. Justice. And more Liberty and Freedom. These are the buzzwords you hear spouting out of the words of the mouths of politicians every time they’re on television. Catchy phrases like “Freedom’s on the march”, and we’re “Spreading Democracy” appear on television almost as much as the latest Erectile Dysfunction ad.

We, as American Liberators in Iraq, have done little about providing food, electricity, or security to the people of Iraq, but we sure did bring Freedom by the bombload!

So great is this Freedom that is supposed to somehow magically take root and spread throughout the Middle East like a plague flower, Weekly Review decided to package this Great Ideal and sell it!

Now, coming to a Liberated store near you, from the makers of “Liagra” and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Torture!” comes: Spreadable Freedom!

It won’t feed you, protect you, or keep your lights on, but it’ll sure feel great to be free*.

*”Free” is defined as whatever law your American-sponsored puppet government deems to be free. Check local government notices for more information. If none are available, ask your local militia leader. If he’s been assassinated or blown up, YOU could be the next local militia leader. Congratulations!

06
Jan
08

In case of nuclear blast…

Ever thought about what you’d do if the big one hits and you survive the blastwave? Well, the good folks at ready.gov have just the guide for you! A taxpayer-funded website that lets you in on all the insider’s tips to avoid those annoying mutant appendages that are inevitable for the survivors of a nuclear holocaust.

Be sure to check out the Kids Version!

We at Weekly Review know that our readers are all on the go, so instead of reading about how to be prepared for nuclear war, we’ve taken the liberty of recording the text on the Ready.gov website word-for-word and compiled it for you. Our favorite parts are all the disclaimers embedded in this public service announcement. Such as, “potassium iodide may, or may not, protect your thyriod gland”. Thanks, Ready.gov! Because the first thing I’m worried about when a mushroom cloud forms over my head is whether or not my thyroid gland is intact! Also, the fact that potassium iodide (the same ‘stuff’ in table salt) may or may not protect it is very valuable information!

Enjoy the PSA. With it’s own soundtrack! And remember, this wouldn’t be possible without your hard-working tax dollars!

04
Jan
08

Bush and the blastocysts

Ah, stem-cells. Scientists propose that they may be able to help cure diseases, regrow damaged organs inside a human body, even teach white men how to dance like they know what the hell they’re doing. Alas, our President has vetoed bills that would allow for expanded research into stem-cells, as he will not “use government funds to sanction the destruction of life.”

No word yet on whether the President has come in contact with the irony of the situation, given that billions of dollars have gone to pay for the destruction of American soldier’s lives, as well as the lives of the men, women and children of Iraq who don’t happen to own any WMD’s.

Also no word yet on how private companies that independently research stem-cells are able to get away with ‘the destruction of life’ and not being thrown in jail for Blastocyst murder.

Even though America’s fertility clinics house some 400,000 frozen, unwanted embryos that, if not harvested for their stem-cells, are scheduled to be literally thrown in the trash.

Not to mention the fact that, when a couple that’s having trouble getting pregnant decides to go with in vitro fertilization, dozens if not hundreds of eggs are destroyed in the process.

What we’ve discovered at Weekly Review is that the President, intent on keeping scientific progress down to a bare minimum unborn human life safe from evil scientists that want to experiment on 24-cell ‘people’, has begun hoarding the Blastocysts in his White House bedroom. Apparently, he’ll keep them frozen and out of the reach of stem-cell researchers until he can find a mother for each and every blastocyst out there. We take you now to the White House bedroom, where President Bush is singing a gentle lullaby and putting his little Blastocyst family to bed for the night.