Pat Robertson vs. Hugo Chavez

With the election season in high gear and coverage of the latest campaign strategies getting non-stop play in the Mainstream Media, the staff at Weekly Review thought it’d be a great idea to dust off an old story that didn’t get a lot of play when it first broke.

Campaign coverage, Schmampaign coverage. We wanna take a stroll down memory lane and look at the always volatile and often hilarious consequences of mixing religion and politics.

Take for example Pat Robertson, the holy man in charge of the 700 Club and one of the nation’s leading televangelists. Recently he called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, because Chavez is a close friend of Fidel Castro. Upon close scrutiny of Robertson’s sentiments, we have found them to be completely insane. Maybe it’s time for ol’ Pat to pack it up, roll around in his millions of dollars Scrooge McDuck-style, and let someone less batty take over the 700 club.

Of course, when asked by the press about his comments, Robertson claimed he never said such a thing, and then apologized to the nation. For something he never said. Side note: does he know that when the little red light is on that the camera is recording what he says and broadcasting it to lots and lots of people?

Aaaaaaanyway, when you have a prominent figure, on a highly televised program, calling for the assassination of a nation’s leader, let’s see… who does that remind us of… ugh – there was this guy, he would do that… televise threats to another country… hmmm. Can’t think of the guy’s name, but Robertson’s a lot like that. At any rate, we’re pretty sure that an incoherent madman using religion as a guise for his declaration of war against another country’s leader is an act of terrorism.

But the plot thickens, people!

Chavez wants Robertson extradited to Venezuela to face charges of terrorism. But alas, ‘terrorism’ in Bush’s America means ‘something bad done by brown people’. Since Robertson is more of a pasty white, middle-America type, it looks like we’re not going to comply.

Ah, well. At least Chavez was willing to turn the other cheek, as it were. Y’see, when Hurricane Katrina hit, Chavez offered 1 Million dollars in aid to the US. But instead of accepting the aid, the President basically said, “uh – thanks, but nah. We gots it covered.”

Which brings us to the crux of this post: suppose Hugo Chavez had decided to personally deliver the aid package to the White House, because he was actually more concerned about the people of New Orleans than the President was (not a stretch there). ALSO suppose, for a moment, that Pat Robertson, at the same time, happens to be leaving from a private meeting with the President.

Oh, man. What an awkward situation that would be: Chavez, bringing aid and succor to the good people of America, while Robertson just finished telling the President what a rotten guy he is. We imagine the encounter would sound a lot like this.

Editor’s note: for those of you who think this song sounds remarkably like “The Confrontation” from Les Miz, congrats! You’re an honorary Musical Theater graduate from Weekly Review University. Pat yourself on the back!


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